My Beautiful White Cat - Til We Meet Again
(Calabasas, CA USA)
I recently lost my beautiful white cat who was my faithful and beloved companion. Sixteen years ago my former fiance and I had split and it was a difficult time for me. Two of my girlfriends knew a family who had taken in a stray cat and were surprised to find the cat was going to have kittens. They were most insistent that I should have one of those kittens when they were to be born. I worked as an International tour manager at the time and kept telling them that it was impossible, I was not interested, I couldn't, etc. etc. Eventually they wore me down and insisted I adopt the most loving of the litter. She had a little black spot on her forehead which eventually faded and I named her Amory, after Cleveland Amory, the television critic, author and co-founder of the Humane Society and founder of the Fund for Animals. I fell so in love with her that I quit my "glamorous" International job. We were the best of friends and she saw me through the deaths of my parents, job losses, etc. Life seemed so much easier knowing that I would come home and find her waiting for me at the door. Before my mother died, seeing how much Amory loved me and I loved her, said to me, "If anything ever happens to her, you get another right away." Amory passed away on January 31st and I can't seem to get over it. I've gone to cat shelters and adoption events every weekend looking for a baby white female kitten, but none fits the bill. I miss her so much. After she passed away, I came home and began to write to her:
* I sit here at my computer and turn around expecting to see Amory as she would sit facing the door, patiently waiting for my attention. Sometimes lately, though, she would be under the desk and at my feet. In the morning if the sun was shining through the office window here, I knew Amory would be right in that patch of sunlight and I could hear her purr in contentment.
* Tonight when I approached her at the veterinarian hospital, she immediately saw me and tried getting up so fast that she wobbled and almost fell over. The vet and the technicians were very respectful and let me have as much time as I needed with her this evening. Oh, how I wanted to snatch her up, run home with her in my arms and find she was healed and free of any cancer! It was not to be. My arms encircled her little body as she lay on the surgical table and I bent my head down to hug her. She began to purr. I sang her our favorite song, a Christmas Carol actually, that I inserted both of our names into, the final words sung are: "...A-more-ee and Diana, too...." Whenever she would hear me sing that song, she would jump up on my bed and seek a place where she could rest her head in the crook of my arm and fall asleep purring. Tonight she heard that song, raised her head and began to purr again. But the sleep is now a forever sleep for her and I am left missing her presence in so many ways. My beautiful cat, I was so Blessed to have your love and true friendship.
* To My friend Jackie, who knows loyalty and true friendship: Thank you for getting me through this especially this evening. Words can not express my gratitude. Your kindness has always astounded me and I am fortunate to call you my dear friend.
* A lonely morning it is without you, my roommate, my friend, my buddy, my Beloved Kit. As I sit on the floor with my morning breakfast of vitamins and coffee, I look at the spot where you would sit quietly, patiently and upright, cock your head to one side and look at me for however many minutes until I noticed and knew instantly that you were ready for more of your own breakfast. Next thing I would notice you were crouched back at my right hand side.
* You were my secret service, sentry, security guard . I miss you crouched nearby and always with your backside facing me and your eyes and ears toward whatever may come near. Truly, you were mine and I was yours, dear Amory. You easily found your way into my heart, little one and I will forever and always remember our days together.
* How could this have happened, I wonder. How could you have so suddenly become so ill? I question myself: Was there something that I missed? Was I in denial? Why did I accept the overpriced vet with the expensive yet coldly-furnished facilities? Why did I wait so long to take you to another vet? Was it because we have been made poor, you and I, during this job-less time? Perhaps that is it; and I am feeling so sad thinking these 'challenging' times you and I have been through must end sometime and I am sad that you will not be with me in the venture back onto the road that circumstances have had us detouring these many months. My darling daughter, Amory. I am weakened without you.
* I open the refrigerator door thinking, appetite or no appetite, I should at least try to eat something. My eyes stop at the 10 or so open and barely consumed Fancy Feast tins. They remind me that your otherwise constant Ocean-Whitefish-and-Tuna-Classic-Only palate became confused in the last few weeks and neither one of us could figure out what would delight your hungry taste buds.
* How will I be able to put away the things you no longer have a need for, my Beautiful, Unforgettable and Loyal Friend? Your custom litter box, your basket of so many well-played-with toys, your combs you used to beg me to use each morning and evening as you would roll over and over, grabbing at toys to rub all around your head and face. My shoes and sandals will be missing the attention you gave them when you would roll all over the floor grabbing at them and managing to put your head down into the toes as if to wear them as a couture hat. My Beauty, how you would make me laugh and laugh!
* "Take that one," they said to me. "She's the loving one!" They knew how difficult it had been for me since the split. Reluctantly I agreed to adopt one of the progeny of a formerly stray cat who surprised her new family when they learned it wasn't the new regular diet that was making kitty fat. How could I have ever known that the little kitten I picked out of a big cardboard box in the middle of a parking lot in Westlake Village could have stolen my heart so easily. How could I have known all the joy she was to bring to my life. You were my Blessing Cat, Lovely Amory.